tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post660763438805062321..comments2023-09-20T07:30:02.175-04:00Comments on David's Writing Blog: The Past Is A Foreign CountryAgincourtdbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-44494631405091693322014-01-19T02:06:07.413-05:002014-01-19T02:06:07.413-05:00I actually don't subscribe to the current fash...I actually don't subscribe to the current fashion of slavishly (see?) eschewing adverbs. Especially in flashfiction where every word counts. They can just as easily allow you to avoid wasting verbiage on mind-numbing description. 'Artlessly' is a perfect example above. It conveys what needs to be conveyed, and with one word, where avoiding it would have required the use of numerous words and bring the conversation to a halt.<br /><br />I agree about Gramps' mood not being conveyed enough. If I had 1000 words they would have had a much longer conversation...<br /><br />Thanks for reading and commenting! :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-42260339539298738602014-01-19T01:27:54.714-05:002014-01-19T01:27:54.714-05:00Bravo, well done. The scene felt rough to me, thou...Bravo, well done. The scene felt rough to me, though. I know there's a word limit here, but I would like to see some darkness. Something despondent in Gramps's reactions. The conversation was a little too normal. If/when you revisit this piece, you may want to keep track of your -ly adverbs. The -ly adverbs tell instead of show what's going on. <br />Other than that, this piece is an excellent response to the prompts, and I love the concept you devised. Again, well done!Shelton Keys Dunninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10551666631783476472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-86575789198821014112014-01-16T15:46:30.040-05:002014-01-16T15:46:30.040-05:00Thank you very much for reading and commenting! :-...Thank you very much for reading and commenting! :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-15291880680915958262014-01-16T15:45:34.660-05:002014-01-16T15:45:34.660-05:00Thanks for your kind words. :-)Thanks for your kind words. :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-72028398472382070402014-01-16T15:44:41.857-05:002014-01-16T15:44:41.857-05:00She does call him 'Gramps' at that point, ...She does call him 'Gramps' at that point, so it should be clear by the time you finish the story. :-) The 'who goes back to convince him not to go next time' is the paradox:<br /><br />In this case there doesn't have to be a next time... the 'edit' stands and the universe proceeds apace. Something doesn't have to happen in the future to make something have happened in the past. Causality FTW. :-) Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-86493861430459027432014-01-16T15:41:49.427-05:002014-01-16T15:41:49.427-05:00Thanks for reading! :-)Thanks for reading! :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-14256146381975353232014-01-16T14:52:21.652-05:002014-01-16T14:52:21.652-05:00I find the story even more interesting after readi...I find the story even more interesting after reading the comments. Some of what readers took away from the story wasn't my interpretation. I love that your story has some many different interpretations. It's a wonderfully written piece. I could hear the characters voices in my head and the dialogue flowed well.SAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08933707208366521149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-6297498704890014522014-01-16T14:02:38.862-05:002014-01-16T14:02:38.862-05:00This is a clever story. You wrote it very well wit...This is a clever story. You wrote it very well with just the right amount of hints. I love the idea of of time travel and using it to provide guidance when it was needed. The dialogue was also paced well and easy to follow. Thanks for sharing this story:~)<br /><br />Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15995684156785464334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-78050363007998317762014-01-16T12:09:09.369-05:002014-01-16T12:09:09.369-05:00It's not entirely clear, but I'm guessing ...It's not entirely clear, but I'm guessing this is his future granddaughter going to try and change things? I like the notice of 'petroleum fueled vehicles'... makes it clearer that she's from his future, if not a future he's in. very intriguing story, because, of course, if your mother's father doesn't die at age 30 the next go around, then who goes back in time to convince him not to go? And if no-one does, then does he still die, and then his daughter grows up... ah cyclical. i love time travel stories :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-70709321347260882014-01-16T09:41:15.356-05:002014-01-16T09:41:15.356-05:00How very interesting though it would be scary in r...How very interesting though it would be scary in reality to be able to go back in time!Liked the way she reached out to him and the small details which made the end so credible:-)Atreyeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15400190416839538182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-43120853604748320892014-01-15T20:59:07.150-05:002014-01-15T20:59:07.150-05:00Thank you for reading and commenting! :-)Thank you for reading and commenting! :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-10661133032786216552014-01-15T19:02:13.142-05:002014-01-15T19:02:13.142-05:00This piece is so well written. I love that I can ...This piece is so well written. I love that I can read work like this, gain insight, and grow as a writer. Your dialog is so fluid and natural! Well done!<br />Valerie Boersmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08372768206512562126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-51113803567932997322014-01-15T16:03:42.057-05:002014-01-15T16:03:42.057-05:00Thanks very much :-)Thanks very much :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-5725332813837696862014-01-14T22:54:33.123-05:002014-01-14T22:54:33.123-05:00Really smooth writing in this one. I like the way ...Really smooth writing in this one. I like the way it flowed. The dialog and their thoughts moved the story along perfectly. A very enjoyable and thought-provoking read.EagleAyehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09456389577129978571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-2430863500915449322014-01-13T22:53:58.469-05:002014-01-13T22:53:58.469-05:00Thanks! :-)Thanks! :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-63871758445295178022014-01-13T22:19:44.395-05:002014-01-13T22:19:44.395-05:00Oh, the messiness of time traveling! I appreciated...Oh, the messiness of time traveling! I appreciated her dedication to her mission, in spite of forgetting her planned speech. I enjoyed her bumbling and rambling much more!Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02173810987391935584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-2376919448038662822014-01-13T17:37:31.297-05:002014-01-13T17:37:31.297-05:00Thank you for reading and for commenting. :-)Thank you for reading and for commenting. :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-72717758983203204702014-01-13T17:37:01.595-05:002014-01-13T17:37:01.595-05:00Thank you so much. :-) "Not overstated" ...Thank you so much. :-) "Not overstated" is the kind of compliment I live for. :-))Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-45531310530341269842014-01-13T17:36:19.154-05:002014-01-13T17:36:19.154-05:00Yeah, the first para bugs me a bit as well. I thin...Yeah, the first para bugs me a bit as well. I think probably part of the issue is that I had to go back and add 'info' to it when I was done. I may massage it.Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-16968878937603795472014-01-13T14:12:17.489-05:002014-01-13T14:12:17.489-05:00I felt like the first paragraph didn't flow to...I felt like the first paragraph didn't flow together well, but once you got into the conversation and the heart of the piece, it really came together. There's so much shared in this moment in time - what was and is and will be. And what could be. Thanks for linking up with Write on Edge!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-1738607455268476212014-01-13T08:38:27.989-05:002014-01-13T08:38:27.989-05:00This tugged at my heart strings - so sad, so beaut...This tugged at my heart strings - so sad, so beautifully put. LM xLyssa Medanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07350926829113722058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-40623408930466541902014-01-13T07:05:04.040-05:002014-01-13T07:05:04.040-05:00Lovely lovely use of time travel, not overstated a...Lovely lovely use of time travel, not overstated and beautifully executed.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17094349723028487644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-20051621225268485042014-01-11T23:52:20.358-05:002014-01-11T23:52:20.358-05:00Thanks for reading and commenting! :-)Thanks for reading and commenting! :-)Agincourtdbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00727155620856112847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4416356209872338069.post-32931757766169074662014-01-11T22:19:31.656-05:002014-01-11T22:19:31.656-05:00This is what I love about science fiction, the spe...This is what I love about science fiction, the speculation on what could happen if we could go back to the past and fix things. You've painted a wonderful picture here. It got me thinking: I wonder if my father and I would have become friends if I were able to go into the past and meet him when he was younger, before my sisters and I came along. My father was a very stoic man, though not an unkind one. Still, it caused us to lock horns because I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I find myself wondering if he was always that way.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03641358696765770453noreply@blogger.com