The sword cost me ten thousand crowns, but it has been worth every penny. I don’t know what enchantment was laid on it, or by whom, but it saved my life countless times in countless fights. I made my name wielding that blade. It made me a King.
I willed it to my son, the Prince. Now, having put it in my back, he will be King.
If I was able to tell him where his power truly lies, I would. I fear that not knowing the sword’s secret he will choose a different weapon, and thus seal his doom.
The writing is good, it flows well, it creates a good visual framework, and it has power that evokes feeling in the reader. ....... AND THEN .... a good illustration how just one word can destroy a well built scenario! "Flashier"? How does this completely out-of-context and modern word creep into a such an otherwise well structured piece?
ReplyDeleteChris Warren
Author and Freelance Writer
Randolph's Challenge Book One - The Pendulum Swings
heh, yeah. I had something in there before about the sword being plain (for one so powerful) but lost it in editing and didn't take out the 'flashier' that paid it off. I think it stuck out more from having been orphaned conceptually. Fixed now, along with some other things.
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