"So here's my question…" I waited for the redhead to turn, to see me, to process what I had said, for the decision to hear the rest to play across her face; all of which happened quickly. Which was a good sign: if they're slow on the uptake I usually abort. Not this time. "What would the perfect thing to say to you be, right now, to convince you to give me a shot?"
"Probably not that."
I smiled; it had been worth a try. Women appreciate honesty. Especially women in hotel bars at midnight.
"But it's probably good enough."
One teensy little critique...I would use a different word other than "shot" in the third paragraph. It's such a short piece that using it twice stands out more.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, loved it. Great set up, and you bring the whole scene to life with a few words.
Ooh, I didn't even notice that. Good call.
DeleteChanged :-)
DeleteSee, honesty does work sometimes.
ReplyDeleteHehe, I hope so. :-)
DeleteHonesty is always better! well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you! :-)
DeleteAt first, I thought she was the bartender, and he was asking for a shot of booze.
ReplyDeleteOn second thought, probably not that.
Cheers!
JzB
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. :-)
Deleteeveryone looks good at closing time. :)
ReplyDeletenice 100