Drabble "Just Like Candy"

He has an animal leer, a predatory way of watching with head down and dull eyes fixed and mouth slightly open in a toothy sneer. She doesn't care: it isn't as if she's ever going to fuck him.

There's nothing between the girls and the patrons, nothing but conventions and assumptions and the knowledge that between the time the bouncers grab a problem and the time the cops arrive to take it away a lot of damage can be done no one will be asked to explain.

For the ninth night in a row, he decides not to grab her.

19 comments:

  1. You just know there's gonna be a tenth night... Creepy dude.

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  2. Honestly, I watch too much Law & Order, because this scared me. I know that men like this exist and I know that men like this have very few good qualities, but if "patience" can be labeled as a good trait to posses god knows they have it. That is what scares me about people like this, their ability to just WAIT for us to let down our guard.

    For such a short piece, it was extremely powerful.

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  3. Replies
    1. That's the best compliment I could hope for on this piece. :-)

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  4. Short and...absolutely frightening. Let's just hope the bouncers have quick reflexes when the animal does decide to pounce.

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    1. I'm picturing the crew at the Bada Bing roughing him up out by the dumpster... :-)

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  5. I loved the creepy, bated-breath feel of this - lots of impact in so few words. The only thing that bothered me a little bit is that you kind of shift points of view: the first paragraph seems to be from the girl's POV ("She doesn't care: it isn't as if she's ever going to fuck him.") and the rest from the stalker's. But all in all a great little piece.

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    1. Yeah, it's definitely edging into third-person-omniscient. My intention was that that line was his *assumption*... he knows that's what she's thinking, because that's what his experience has been. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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  6. Excellent descriptions and characterization! And yes, I do expect him to come back again and again, and eventually...

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  7. Eeeks!Run,girl run!A powerful portrayal of these"animals" in human forms-totally disturbing.

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  8. Thanks for linking up! Be sure to come back and vote for your favorites.

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